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A Life

My work is fueled by a sense of wonder and awe at human potential, and I long ago decided to see what I could make of myself if I tried. This has given an increasingly practical edge to my theoretical explorations. I have become particularly interested in living intentionally over the past few years. In this pursuit of living well, desiring to find peace and happiness, I have begun to consider my life a laboratory for experiments.

Most of these involve exploring my main motivation for moving through the world—I keep wondering what it might mean to live well. For me, this has meant living my own life to my fullest potential. I thus avoided “just getting by” as a life motto, and although the “work hard, play hard” mentality attempts to find a better balance through the best of both worlds, the two extremes always seem to make things twice as bad in practice. Despite diving deep into philosophical and psychological books focused on self-understanding, I continued to feel plagued by an unease concerning my own foundation.

In retrospect, I realize that the first fifteen years were spent trying to learn how to trust myself.  Although I have always valued integrity and honesty, I would find that I fell short of my standards. I would deceive myself, feel shame, and manipulate truths as a result. I moved from feeling trapped in my life circumstances to feeling the thrill of exceeding them, only to crash from exhaustion. I drifted from a depression caused by being determined by influences I could not control, feeling the weight of fate on my shoulders to a sense of success that swiftly vanished.

I knew that there was something fundamental in my life that I did not understand, and that I would not be able to rest until I could answer some fundamental questions. What follows is a reconstruction of what I have learned over the past decade of my life as I have become more intentional about discovering the questions that I explore and how to live into the questions in a fruitful way.